So today I am going in for my second "viability scan". Isn't that just a lovely and reassuring term? I mean seriously, I feel like I am walking the plank and I may get lucky. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't it be we are going to see your baby today!!! Of course there is always the knowledge that something can be wrong but it isn't in the freaking forefront, it is merely in the background, while joy is allowed to reign until proven otherwise.
I am scared to death of the two foot internal Ultrasound wand coming back into my life, last time I swear I narrowly escaped a punctured lung. I am hoping, praying that between beans supposed size, and my fat not getting in the way, that they can do the standard belly wand. Note to self: Do not go to the bathroom before! Which is really a double edged sword, because if you go, they cannot see bean as well, and if you don't go you feel like with all the pushing you will spew your bladder all over the place. Sorry for the uncouthness but it is a worry, and it seems like when you are pregnant, all bodily functions are up for discussion! I don't know why!
Then there is the pee test you are supposed to take each time you go in. The one where they give you the smallest bottle and you are supposed to somehow aim and give them a sample so they can test it for glucose or whatever with those keto strips. How lovely is it to see your nurse each time and hand her your cup of pee! It is humiliating! Seriously! They already did the test why retake it every time? Honestly I think they see a thick girl and say, hmm... she must have high cholesterol and be diabetic. For the record. I am neither of those!
I am also worried that they are going to want to use the "duck" and do the pap smear and all of that. Ugh! I hate that! I hate someone at that end of me, if makes me nervous, and I will be honest I constantly worry that I will toot! I know! I know! You didnt need to know that! But I have to tell someone, and I really do not want Colin going off to work thinking about his wife tooting at the gyno office!!! I never have, I swear, because I would totally tell you, but why is it a worry? I swear I am the only one with these irrational fears!
It seems until last night when it was all racing back to me, that I had forgotten how one loses what seems to be all privacy, all rights of hiding bodily functions. I guess your right to privacy ends with the fertilization of your eggs! Ugh!!!!! Wish me luck, as I pick out the perfect outfit, the whitest socks, and try to aim into that dreaded cup!
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