Frugal Tip of the Day Save on Dinner OUT!

Especially with this weekend being Valentine's day so many restaurants are looking to do business with you! In general, make sure if you choose to eat out that you do it at a place offering coupons or specials! For instance, we have a local pizza place that offers BOGO (buy one get one free) on any pizza on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Sooo… Those are the nights that we do pizza, unless another place has a better deal. Scour the penny saver, or your local clipper magazine. Clipper Magazine even has coupons available online. Search for a restaurant, or shop near you at http://couponclipper.com/

Since this is Valentine's Weekend, many restaurants will be offering Special menus or Prix Fixe, to choose from. These menus are often more expensive than when you would go out on any given night, but also have multiple courses. Decide if a night out on V-day is in your budget, if it is shop around for the best Prix Fixe dinner pricing out there, I can guarentee you, this year, there will be some steals at some restaurants you may ordinarily not be able to go to!

Close Friends and Peripheral Friends

Oh My Goodness… I am sitting here in my office where all of my daily adventures and usually the imagined ones begin as I gaze outside to the world which amazingly continues to move ahead, even though I am not there to direct them! I suppose that sometimes I forget that my way isn’t the only way, though my darling daughters are sure to remind me of that.

Though they may remind me of that, and quite often, I am still pretty sure that though my way isn’t the only way, it can be quite often the best way. STOP it! Like you don’t feel the same about the way you think. I mean obviously we all think we are right, otherwise we wouldn’t do life the way we do, so take the hands off the hips and check this out!

Yesterday, my daughter Elise, comes home. She is excited because it was candy gram day. The day they reserve candy grams for their friends for the party prior to, Valentine’s day. I asked her if she had reserved her grams for her two close friends, the ones that have been her friend since she moved to this new school in August. No she says she reserved them for these two girls that I know she wants to be friends with because she thinks they are cool. Mind you Elise is only 10ish, but I was just shocked.

It occurred to me that children do not just inherently understand not only social graces, but how to do right by their good friends, and how they can have peripheral friends but that they are not on the same level as said good friends. As I am having this thought, and we are walking out of the school yard, Jana her good friend (not one of the candy gramed) came to see if she could play after school. Elise was more than happy of course to go do that, but it made me realize that we had to have the friend talk when she came home.

When I picked her up, I asked her about why she gramed the other two girls, and not her good friends. She said she didn’t even think about it that way. I had to explain that you only have a handful of good friends in life, and those are the ones we go above and beyond for, those are the ones that we stand up for, and those are the ones, we think about ahead of all of our other friends even if some seem cooler. We talked and I explained the whole concept of peripheral friends and close friends.

After we finished talked and she decided how she was going to right this situation, I began thinking about those two twitty cool girls. I know I am an adult and I am supposed to be beyond that, but hello? I found myself irritated that my daughter was trying to basically suck up to the cool girls, and I felt back in school again! Honestly, I will admit, that my dear Elise, is far more patient and kind than I was then or even now. There is no way I would have tried to befriend the cool kids, just on the mere fact that they think they are all that and a bag of Doritos already, so I wouldn’t have wanted to feed into their egos. Am I odd here? Should I want her to befriend the cool kids? I of course believe I am so right about this, but I am older now and willing to admit, (to you, not to Colin, so shush it!) that I may not be doing this right. Any ideas??? I mean seriously, let me know!

Frugal Tip of the Day

Back to Basics, Coupon cutting! The trick to cutting coupons, is to only cut coupons for things you would normally buy. Don’t go crazy and just buy whatever is available on coupon or you may actually end up spending more! Cut coupons, and put in a coupon organizer, try to use coupons if you can when the item is on sale also for extra savings!!!

Frugal Tip of the Day

Don’t just recycle, FREECYCLE!!! Go to http://www.freecycle.org/ Find a group in your area and let the swaps begin. People will offer up anything from baby clothes and supplies, to appliances and furniture. Be courteous, and make sure your first posting is an offer! Check out your groups rules and then request and offer until your heart’s content! I have received scrapbooking supplies, and swapped scrapping supplies! There is so much available out there! Check it out!

Parenting Communities

So now that I am wrapping my head around this new pregnancy, I have been doing what I do best, searching information online. There is a wealth of communities for every parenting situation and expectant parent situation out there, from adoption, to single parent, to mom’s who are not single yet feel they are too old to do this again, because the youngest won’t start Kindergarten till her oldest can drive kind of parent like me. So maybe I am still freaking… just a little. Gone are my brags about my youngest being 18 while I am only 44, now I am looking at 51. But that is OK, between the botox and the boob job that my recycling will bring me, I will still look 44… right? Yeah, maybe not.

Anyway, back to the communities. If by chance, this blog isn’t enough for you, because I know there is that chance…check out sites like http://www.babycenter.com/ or http://parenting.ivillage.com/. These sites offers tools like due date calculators, to baby name lists, to even journal sites where you can journal your pregnancy, giving you a voice, and letting other mom’s know they are not alone. They also have groups you can join and message with questions, or advice to others asking questions, or just everyday pregnant wonderings. There are many sites out there, check them out and see which fits for you!

These sites also have great links to savings for your new bundle of joy. You can sign up to receive free samples of formula (and these are actual containers when I signed up prior to my miscarriage, I was floored), and coupons for formula, diapers, and more. Expecting, want to be expecting, or just parenting, there is something for every season of parenting out there!

Frugal Tip of the Day

RECYCLE!!! Hey I am the first to admit that Ed Begley Jr. I am not. However, I am aware of the CRV fees that are attached to the price of my bottles of water (Gasp! Yes I buy them for the convenience sue me!), soda cans, and what not. So we recycle and it brings in extra money for our slush fund, say for the nights that the local pizza joint has a buy one get one on pizzas! Truthfully, I call it my bottles for boobs fund, because one day, I want to buy a pair! Errr... Did I say that out loud? LOL

Fugal Tip of the Day!!!

Many of us moms live close enough to walk the kids to school, yet we drive! I decided to start walking my kids to school, rather than rolling out the SUV. We walk about 1.5 miles, up and down hills in snow barefoot (lol ok maybe I made up that part!) but the 1.5 miles is correct and it takes us 15 minutes to get there. So when it isn’t raining we hit the pavement, and amazingly enough, I can get a couple extra days out of my gas tank!

Whew! Wasn't expecting this!

So, as you can tell I took a long weekend off. I deserve it, I do! I do! I have recently, aka the day I stopped blogging this week, found out, I am now expecting baby number 3! Don't worry I won't be changing the address to the blog to Three be a mom, one because it makes no sense, and two, because well, back to number one.

Anyway, I am in the very early stages, and have suffered a miscarriage before. I am being cautiously optimistic as the same time as trying to wrap my head around this new... development shall we say?

It is always nervewracking to be pregnant. For me anyway. I am not optimistic by nature, it is something I force upon myself. So today I get a call scheduling me for my prenatal "class". It always cracks me up, and just hearing it is a class, makes me want to skip it, or leave early, but I know the principal will call home! Darn it! LOL Anyway the schedule me for that and a viability check. WTHeck? I ran my tookas down to the office, and am like "Alright missy, what do you mean viability check? You are creating anxiety here, just drop the news!" Well apparently it is the new thing, to do an ultrasound at the same time as the class. Well hello????? I think they need to skip the V-word! Really, to anyone who has suffered a miscarriage, the V-word is super dreaded.

So I was soul searching amongst my feelings of surprise, anxiety, and worry. Why does pregnancy scare me? I had to admit... don't tell Colin... It is a complete lack of control. I can do very little, either this happens or it doesn't. There is little I can do once conception to make things alright. A lack of control, for dear old Calista... ugh! It is like Torture!!!

So that is my news! I will keep you updated!

Is Your Child Ready For Kindergarten?

To many this isn’t even a question. They turn five they start Kindergarten, end of discussion. But the truth is, not all Kindergarteners are five (at least in California) when they are eligible to begin Kinder. In California, the cut off for Kindergarten is December 2nd of the same school year. That means that your child can be eligible to start Kinder when they are still four years old!

My daughter Emma, has her birthday in Mid October. This places her at only 6 weeks from the cut off date. So the question arose in my mind, should she start at 4? I thought of my niece McKenna who would start the same year but who had been five since the preceding January! I decided to do some research and talk to teachers. What I found out from the teachers really helped make up our mind I encourage you to talk to the teachers of your school if you have concerns! (Of course the fact that in Emma's regular preschool class she would tell the teacher that she didn't have to do the work because she was the baby, also helped solidify our decision lol!)

I talked to a couple of Kinder teachers. They said that there are more and more children that start kinder at 6 years old. Parents are finding out that some children just are not emotionally ready or mature at 5 years of age. (Did you know that Kinder is not mandatory in the state of California?) So if I had put Emma in school, she would begin in August as a four year old, while others were already 6. That is a huge disadvantage for any child! The teachers agreed. They said that children who wait do better, they are just more ready for the rigors of Kindergarten (it ain’t what it used to be… see below!)

I was thinking about this age gap, and Colin and I decided, to give her the benefit of the cut off even though she was 6 weeks shy of it. We enrolled her in a transitional kindergarten program(http://www.fbcshiningstars.org/) . It was so fantastic let me tell you! It allowed her to be completely ready for what kindergarten requires, and has allowed her to build confidence before the stress of grades. We feel that this route for children who lack maturity required for kindergarten is really worth the investment.

Is your child ready for Kindergarten? There are so many things that children need to know BEFORE Kinder, that I was shocked when I had put Elise in four years earlier. I had no idea how important preschool was! I was glad we had put her in the year preceding her Kindergarten year, but had wished we had done it sooner! They need to know so much, to get off to a successful start!

Check out this link. It is a checklist for Kindergarten readiness. Does your child qualify? If not, really think about whether or not starting Kindergarten this year is right for your child. The stigma of holding children back, is gone in Kindergarten. They have no idea, but if they have to be held back in later grades because they weren’t ready for the foundation of kinder, that will be harder. Check out the link and decide what works for your family!

http://school.familyeducation.com/kindergarten/school-readiness/38491.html

Frugle Family Tip of the Day

As if you hadn't heard enough from me, here I am again! I have your back, and I am sharing ideas! Feel free to comment or email if you have ideas to share! Let's help each other save cash! Why spend it on inconsequential items when we can save it for a boob job! Err... Did I just say that out loud?


This is orange and lemon season! Have a tree in your yard or know someone who does? Juice the fruit and freeze in ice cube trays, then put the cubes in a freezer bag to be used in recipes, added to flavor water, and even to drink after thawing in orange juice, and lemonade! (P.S. You can do the same with leftover broths!)

Blog Gone Wild!

Ok... So... I decided to tell a friend about my blog... Yes this one! Nobody knows about this blog in my world, because I am writing under my assumed name... Like Super Mom, helping the Masses, but no one knows that Calista is me, because I am changing in my SUV as phone booths have gone by the wayside. Don't look at my blog like that, like you didn't know that Calista Quinn was a pen name, sheesh! It is pretty cleaver though isn't it?

Anyway, back to my friend. She says that I absolutely must, must, contact people about this blog because it is funny, witty, and full of information pertaining to other families in my season of life. So... I did.

I have written a book company who publishes my Fav author Jen Lancaster, I have written a local mag and even a morning show. Don't laugh. This could be my big break! LOL

The reason I am putting this out there is because, it made me realize, that we all have something to offer, and all we need is to find the right someone, venue or venture to fully utilize our talents. So get out there! Discover your talents, don't hide them! Put them to use, because you are important, even if the world hasn't figured that out yet! So hopefully the world will find out that I am as amazing as I think I am, LOL.. And that isn't being stuck-up! We are all amazing, and the sooner we all realize that the sooner this world, will be a better place! What is your talent?

Negotiate, Negotiate, Negotiate!

Negotiate is the word of the day! No not with your children, lest you desire conflict and constant loophole hunting by your adorable faced bunchkins. Kids, man, they are super smart, and super manipulative. No not in the malicious kind of way, but the hmmm... I really really want my way and there was some wiggle room last time, so there will be again sort of way.

So if I am not talking about negotiating with children who am I talking about, after all this is a parenting blog right? Well it is also about family life, and with family life comes finances. I am talking about negotiating with service providers to save cold hard cash!

Yesterday I got a "wild hair" up my you no what, and decided that I needed to see where my bail out is! Now I know we don't qualify as a billion dollar financial institution or an auto maker so our chances of receiving millions to fetter away were about nil. But what I also knew is that all these service providers do NOT want to lose our business in times like these either!

First I called our Alarm company. When the economy goes down, inherently crime goes up, so there was absolutely no way that I was going to shut it off, but hey they don't need to know that. So I called and asked for their best rate. They lowered my rate by $7. Now keep in mind that $7 may not seem like a lot but over the course of the year that $7 equals $84 dollars and a 25% savings on our monthly bill! Man was I jazzed and empowered!!! So I decided why stop there?

Next I called our phone/internet company. I happened upon a promo for the internet of $30 a month. I was blindly paying $50 because I didn't keep up on when our contract ended. When these companies have you on contract you should be writing down these dates, because at the end of the contract, you are eligible for their new client promos! If they refuse, change companies! You now have the right under federal law to keep your phone number and port it to any company you choose! You are not a slave to these companies and for a little bit of work you can save hundreds! So now I am saving $20 a month, which adds up to $240 a year! So I figured I was going to now press for phone savings!

Honestly, we are a cell phone nation. Cell phone plans are cheap, they include national long distance, so if you have one, you really do not need a home phone unless you have an alarm system, as we do. So I asked about the cheapest phone plan they have. And what do I find out? This is alarming! (LOL excuse the pun!) They now have digital phone services out there! I was paying $34 a month for our phone which included all the taxes and surcharges! They gave me a new rate of $12.99 a month for 300 home minutes (more than ample since we use the cell phones) on top of that, when you sign up for digital phones (which on your end changes nothing, you use your own phones like usual and the only thing that changes is on their end) you no longer are subject to state and local usage taxes only federal! So that lowers your bill even more. So now with my $12.99 and my federal usage, I will be paying $14 a month! A savings of $20 dollars! My 15 minute phone call to our phone/internet company saves me a total of $480 a year!!! or $40 a month!!!

So 30 minutes on the phone with two service providers has now saved me $47 a month, or $564 a year! So of course I couldn't stop there! I next called our pest control company! They decided to play hard ball and only come down $2 which is completely unacceptable! So I decided to call around. I found a smaller company, who provides the same services for $10 less a month, or $120 a year!

Literally my hour of phone calls saved us $57 a month and $684 a year! How awesome is that? I got very little friction save for the pest company who apparently feels they are above discounting even in this economy! Ridiculous! So take the time, call your providers, and stay on top of your contract dates! There is no reason to throw that money away and all it took me was 60 minutes to save $57 dollars, that is almost a dollar a minute, which is more than my employer pays me!

Frugle Family Fun

In a time like this, where the economy is uncertain, it is important to keep the family bonds tight. Statistics show the biggest reason for marital and family discord are finances. Believe me, I know of that which I speak. We are not immune to the economy in the least. Hubby is in commercial construction, and I haven't seen anything being built around here lately. Work is stopped, and finances are on a wire. It's scary.

In a time like this, panic sets in, and it is easy to be edgy. For our part, again, we are not immune. But what we have decided to do, and have been doing, it getting back to basics. Free or near free family fun. We are learning to enjoy our home again, yes it has it's headaches, but if going out is no longer an option or as often as you are used to, then look where you stand.

We have been doing family movie nights. If you have a DVR, record them off the TV, check out your guide so you can watch them when the time suits. Go to garage sales, or try a DVD swap such as www.swapadvd.com (they also have book and CD swaps too) for the price of postage you get DVDs that are new to you! Some local libraries allow you to borrow them for free also!You can do game nights too, borrow games, swap with friends, get them from garage sales!

There are tons of resources for families where you can get inexpensive craft ideas, recipes, organizational tips (back to being able to enjoy your own home again!) One of my favorite (and super inexpensive subscription) Magazines is Family Fun. Check out the website for free, you can also get subscription info. No magazine is perfect, and some of the ideas are like... ummm.. no.... like instructions for making a racquet using rubber bands and PVC pipe. LOL Sorry Family fun but our local dollar tree has just the ticket... for a dollar! However, there are a ton of wonderful ideas! http://familyfun.go.com/

Another get back to basics, is enjoying your local park! So many communities really have put a lot of resources into their parks departments. Try different ones in your community, weekend picnics, with your dollar tree racquet can give you hours of fun! Also check your community calendars for free and near free events! Many are now online, look for your community on google!

Bottom line, don't let the economy further affect your family by letting it come between your family. Fight for the good! Don't blame each other, just accept what things are, and look to making what you can better!!! Have Ideas? Share them!!! Leave comments or email and I can post your comments, with or without anonymity!

Don't Forget What You Did Have As A Child

So I woke up this morning and realized, I am not a woman of leisure! Of course, I realized that I am fatter than I thought, but that isn't the point of this post! So! Back on Track... I admit it, I am not a woman of leisure.



Sure I watch the same show you do, "Real Housewives of Orange County", "Real Housewives of New York", "Real Housewives of Atlanta". What? Um... You mean you don't watch those? Oh! Well let me give you the synopsis. These housewives (many of whom work, and some who aren't even married or living with someone, so where the housewife part comes in I am not sure) live in luxury; gated communities, upscale Manhattan homes and apartments, and Georgia mansions. Their kids want for nothing. They have the latest and greatest money can buy. What most of the kids do not have, are parents who are there for them as a parent with love and discipline. Many have the friend thing going on, but unless I am the last mom on the planet with a brain, we all realize that kids need more than friends out of their relationships with their parents, they have plenty on the playground.

When I was a child I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll, and I wanted it bad! My friends all had them, some had multiple dolls, one even had 5! I just couldn't understand why she could have 5 $80 dolls, or whatever they cost (something ridiculous), and my mom wouldn't buy me one! My mom told me that if I wanted one, I would have to save the money and buy it myself. So here I was, probably around 9 or ten, mowing the neighbors lawns, babysitting, whatever i could to get the money to buy this must have toy of the decade! So I finally get my $40 together, because it is either buy the cheaper preemie or save for a nine year old's eternity to get the larger cooler doll. I go to Toys R Us and "adopt" Michael. I love that doll more than life itself... for about a week, well OK maybe a month, but that is stretching it. What did that teach me?

It taught me that I have to work for the extras in life. I can't expect to have all the extraneous possessions without working for it. I also realized that wanting something and buying something just because I thought it was cool, probably wasn't best in the long run, as trends are fleeting.

My parents were big on responsibility, big on saving up for things. I had to save half for the water bed I wanted (hey it was the 80's remember???) I had to save half or all for anything extra. My parents had the money, but that was besides the point. They weren't wealthy, but they were comfortable. They came from modest backgrounds, and while they gave us far more than they had as children, they didn't forget to let us learn responsibility, or how to earn what we wanted, therefore making us take better care of our belongings.

As a teen I did begin to quietly resent this stance, as my girlfriends shopped at Wet Seal, and the Limited. While I shopped wherever the clearance racks would get me the best for my $200 school year clothing budget. But as I saw these same girlfriends go wild, and get into trouble, while I worked my weekend and after school job, I started to resent it less and less. As my husband and I were able to buy a house at age 20 (yes 20!) and they were still in crummy apartments, with debt out their eyeballs, I began to see the wisdom more clearly.

As a parent, my kids definitely have more than I did. They are now 10 and 7 and are now learning about chores, and saving up for things. They don't like it, but they feel so accomplished when they finally get the item they desire. My oldest at 8 years old saved up for Roller Blades. She had skates, but thought that roller blades were way cool, so I told her to save up for them! She helped grandma and grandpa, she did chores, she saved the $25 to get a pair of purple Roller Blades. And she is so proud of them! And we are proud of her!

So as we strive as parents to do the best by our children, and to do better for our children, we mustn't forget to give them our life lessons, and our wisdom, as well as discipline. This will set them up for life, not a Cabbage Patch Doll.

"Mom" Doesn't Equal Perfection

When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I had grand ideas. Namely that I was going to be the perfect mother. My mom was great after all, but perfect she was not, so I was going to take all of her screw ups, and make myself the perfect mom... Let me tell you how I did it! Um... I didn't. Not that I am big on admitting it (Especially to Colin my hubby) but... I am no perfect. Gasp! I know can you believe it?

This is how determined I was. I was ready to do it all right. When I had my baby showers and received Huggies, Pampers, and bottles, I would smile my endearing smile, knowing it was all going to be returned because I knew better. My child was not going to wear those landfill poison diapers, or drink from a bottle, hello???? I mean who doesn't know that cloth is the best for the environment and have no gel junk in them? Who doesn't know that breast feeding is the BEST and my daughter was going to have the BEST? So back went the diapers and back went the bottles. The diaper service was ordered and ready to go, I would deal with the disposables at the hospital only, as my condescending thoughts rationalized that they are just trying to make it easier on themselves.

Then about 10 years ago my daughter was born. And all my first time mother's wisdom and Utopian ideologies were quickly challenged. At the hospital my daughter born under 6 pounds wouldn't breastfeed. I was at a loss, I mean I actually thought that this just happened! Isn't it the natural thing, don't babies just know how to do this, like puppies? Apparently not... Oh but I was not gonna give up that easy. The doctor came in and told me I had to feed her with a bottle to get her eating or she would have to stay until she gained weight. (For the record that was so not in my plan either) So I had to tape this tube to my breast to get her to get formula... when that failed I had to tape it to my finger. (Okaaayyyy, where is all of this in those happy go lucky freaking baby books huh?) So now that I am doing that and pumping like a mad woman (and getting less than a quarter ounce) my daughter is waking up every hour on the hour to eat once ounce of formula. Frustration is mounting and I just cannot take the fact that I have failed, I am not producing enough milk to coat the sides of a bottle let alone feed her, oh and need I remind you I do not have any bottles still????

So turns out that lack of sleep can make you actually understand what can cause people to shake screaming children. I was lucky to have family to call as I am pulling my hair out from sleep deprivation as a half hour every hour is not enough sleep to deal with a baby screaming from colic and diaper rash... Oh about those lovely cloth diaper services....

Remember, got rid of the landfill cloggers because we were going au naturel? Yeah well turns out that they use some major harsh cleaners for those diapers that they deliver and pick up, and it caused my sensitive skinned baby to actually bleed from her pores on her bottom!!!

So here I am, no landfill clogging diapers that I desperately need along with Bottles, Formula, and SLEEP!!! What the Heck???? None of this followed my plan!!! I cannot believe that I could get it wrong, I did the research, I learned from watching others, and yet, I am still not getting it right??? I have seen 5 specialist on breast feeding and the conclusion is that I cannot breast feed (who knew that could even happen??? Again, never read that in any book!)

So two months in, I toss the feeding tube buy a 12 pack of Gerber bottles, the huge bucket of Soy formula (oh didn't I mention that after my dear Elise suffers through 2 weeks of colic and no sleep my mom and mother in law both remember milk sensitivities in the family????) an even larger bottle of filtered water, and the biggest humongo box of landfill cloggers and desitin.

It takes about 3 days, but after that, I am able to sleep 4 hours at a time, I can change a diaper without a baby screaming in pain, and I am beginning to regain my sanity and begin to bond with my daughter. That is right, I finally two and a half months in, began to be able to bond.

My perfection quest stopped me from being able to bond with my baby in the first crucial days. Those days were met with stress, frustration, and guilt as I wasn't able to succeed at this mom thing that is supposed to be so natural. It is then that i realized, there is no perfection in motherhood, there is only the effort to do what is best for your child. None of these baby manuals have it right, they just have one way, and that one way isn't right for everyone.

After accepting the bottle feeding, I began to actually be glad I wasn't breast feeding. I was able to have my body to myself for the first time in a year, and that was WONDERFUL!!! I didn't have to wear funky bras or worry about if she gets hungry in public. It was so much easier. As for health, she didn't have her first sniffle for almost 2 years, while kids of mother's who breast fed that I knew were sick a lot more than that. I realized I didn't harm her, we were OK!

With my second child, I loaded up on landfill cloggers, bottles, pacifiers, and formula. I had no intention of breastfeeding. I had every intention of bonding and enjoying my daughter, and I did.

Choices vs. The Big Bad Mommy

I am a big proponent of eliminating myself as the Big Bad Mommy. I mean why should I be the bad guy? I do not believe that being a mom, automatically forces me to be this disciplinarian and consequence wielding woman. Does that mean I am a softy? Does that mean that my children are allowed to run free because I want to be the "cool mom" or their "friend"? That would be a big fat... (excuse my french but) Hell No!

On the contrary, we can take our two girls (now ages 10 and 7 but we have since they were each born) anywhere, from regular and upscale restaurants to events, and we always, always get complimented on their behavior. We have even received many thanks from servers and managers of establishments who have dealt with out of control children as they are thankful to see there are children out there who do know how to control themselves, use polite manners, order for themselves, and leave the table condition as close as possible to how the came to it.

Are our children perfect? Robots? Nope. Our method, or parental way is about choices. They may not like all the choices they are given, none the less they are theirs to make. Before we go into the restaurant or where ever the case may be, or I have them do a chore, I talk to them. I remind them that they are to be good. I tell them that it is their choice to behave in a good manner and if they behave well then this will happen (insert incentive) whether it be that they will be able to get something, or be able to go again, or have their scheduled play date. If they behave poorly then I tell them what the consequence from that would be whether it means that they will not be able to go again for a certain amount of time, they will lose their play date and I will call their friends mother to cancel, or they will not be able to get something.

I would never bribe my children. However, say we are going into a department store and I want to look at things for me, that is going to require patience on their part, or complete a chore I will reward them with something (just like a job in the real world pays, my children get rewards for their work). It may be as little as being able to choose something for a certain price, going to get a treat afterward, or a certain amount of pay per chore. Whatever it is, I establish it before hand, and then give them the choice based on how they choose to behave on whether or not they receive it.

Some days they decide that it is much more important to them to fight with each other, or to have a bad attitude than it is to received their reward, so they do not get it. However, after few times of realizing that mom means what she says, and that they have the power to change how they act and get what they want within reason, their behavior will almost always be on par.

When they do act badly, and they do not receive their reward, I remind them, that they not me made the choice. I remind them, that I really wanted to reward them, but that they chose not to receive it, by their actions. Children have to learn that as they become adults that every action has it's consequence. The consequence can be good or it can be bad. We are raising our children to become adults and part of that is teaching them about making wise decisions, and what making not so wise decisions can cause. I think it will prove one of the most valuable lessons, as they go on into adulthood. And also believe that if we teach our children about making decisions now, they will not be overwhelmed by choices later.

To Work or Not to Work? The Stay At Home Mom vs Working Mom Controversy

I think this is a topic that most women have a very strong opinion on. Most women lean to either side and have a great passion about their choice, and their reasonings behind that choice. Personally, I am not really on one side or the other. Maybe that is because I work part time, and so I feel like I am in the middle? Not sure on that one.

Does a Stay At Home Mother care more about her child than a working Mother? Does she sacrifice more for her children when she stays home? Does a working mom, put herself and her materialism above her children?

I believe the answers to these questions in most cases are No to all. Unfortunately, not only in this economy, but in today's times, it is increasingly difficult to live off of one income. It definitely can be done, and it is definitely a sacrifice but so many other aspects must be in place for it to work out in the long run.

The unfortunate reality in many of the children's lives, is that parent's are no longer always in it to win it for whatever reason. Divorce rates are sky high, as such there are many single parents out there. Single parents do not have the luxury of staying at home. They must work to provide for their children. They must work to cover the basics. It isnt a choice. Therefore, is this person putting materialism above their children? No they are just trying to feed their children and give them shelter.

There are some two income families who barely make ends meet. The cost of living is sky high, and I believe that because of the world we are apart of, we have great expectations of what we should have or not have. We all want our children to have what Johnny and Steve have, and the only way to do that is work more, work longer, work harder. Are we making a mistake? Time will tell.

I believe that in a perfect world, one parent would stay home with the children. I personally, work part time during the hours that my children attend school. I am blessed to be able to bring my children to work with me when they are off track, or have a holiday. I am able to stay home if they are ill. Not everyone has this luxury, I completely understand that.

What I do not understand is the downright nastiness I have heard from women to each other with opposing view points. If you are a stay at home mom, why do you hold such anger for the working mom? If you are a working mom why do you hold anger for the stay at home mom? I think that as mothers we have a common bond. We may have different ways, and different views, but our children are our priority. If the end means is the same, why do we rag on each other for different ways to get there? We should be supporting each other. Talking to each other, we are moms, and we are valuable.

So the next time you see someone who is doing life differently, maybe you should think about how you can appreciate the differences, learn from them, teach from them, and get along.

Am I Invisible? A Mother's Story...

Hey! Hey! You out there! Do you see me??? 'Cause I feel invisible.

As a mother I have developed quite a few pet peeves. I peeve anything from dishes left on the table when two very capable (if not completely adorable when they sleep) girls run off post meal, to toe stepping oning. Okay, so I admit that Oning, is not a word. I admit it, yet it I am using, if only for today.

Back to the peeves. We were at the pet store, buying Rosie her food, this weekend when one of my peeves were violated three freaking times. I look at my daughter who at 10 is old enough to know better. Then I look at my throbbing toes, (Yes it is January, but in California we have a license to wear flip flops year round, as long as one's toes are manicured). Then I look back at her in fury!

This may seem like an over reaction, but it is too hard for a 10 year old to be able to see that if Mom is there, then she has feet attached? Really? I have told her so many times, that I am not invisible, and I am perfectly capable of walking up to her without so much as a toe brush let alone a toe stomp. Ugh!!!

For me and my kids this is a nearly daily occurrence and I take offense to the fact that I am no more noticeable than anything else, and really it makes me feel thought little of, whether or not it is the case. I have had to explain to them, the reason this infuriates me is because it feels like a lack of respect, whether or not it is intended to, and gosh darn it, bottom line.... It freaking hurts!

What are your pet peeves? Come On!!!! I know you got them!